- Is it difficult to say no to others?
- Do you feel guilty when putting in your personal boundaries?
- Is it hard or to trust your gut reaction and know your intuition?
- Are you uncomfortable disagreeing with someone?
- Do you give too much of yourself to others?
This video explains how people pleasing comes from when our authentic self has been shut down, by both our personal trauma and social conditioning. Women are more prone to people pleasing because girls in particular are conditioned to be submissive and passive in society, and we learn to shut down our own point of view to keep the peace and make others happy. We think if others are happy, we will be happy.
In this video Clare provides a way to see what is underneath people pleasing. When we see how we shut down our authentic self because it was not safe to do otherwise we begin to unpack this complex problem. Clare shares a personal example of how being shamed as a child led her to a life of people pleasing. When we are forced to choose between acting from our truth or pleasing a parent, we often choose the parent over us so that we can be safe. But what we’ve really internalized is that it’s not safe to be our true self. Over time, we can become disconnected from knowing our authentic self and lose touch with our inner judgment and ability to trust ourselves – or even to know our own truth.
Overcoming people pleasing by addressing the root cause involves listening compassionately to your body, connecting to the thoughts that are not serving you any more and accessing a deeper truth of your value, worth and inherent right to be yourself.